MOVING FROM BLOGGER

Folks I have moved to Wordpress.

Visit me at http://www.vinodnarayan.com

See you all there....

Where did I go without a hint?
Well the world didn’t stop when I was away
But where did I go without a hint
Well life moved on for all when I was away

But where did I go without a hint
Well nothing would have changed when I was away
But where did I go without a hint
And here is where I went without a hint

He was growing up and he needed me ….

To keep him company at night when he plays
And to take his pictures when he is awake and asleep

To warm his bottles and fill them with milk
And hold it for him when he takes a sip

To rock him to sleep when he doesn’t stay quite
And quietly watch him go to sleep

To be by his side even when he is asleep
And see all worlds’ innocence lie next to me

To see him when he smiles every time
And to be part of every single moment of his life

To hold him tight when the winds make him chill
And to keep him cool when summer heats up

To change his diapers and clean him up
And dress him up for a best baby show

To let him hold my fingers tight
And to tell him that he will be brave and honest

To look at him and then look at me
And admire how cute I was as a kid J

To tell in his ears his first words of wisdom
And to hear him talk his first baby words

To take him out and show him the world
And let him adjust to the world outside

To tell him that I am there come what may
And make him feel he is secure and safe

To play with him like I too was a kid
And to be for him a dad he will love

Blame it on the heart

It is said that blaming is the easiest thing one can do. It doesn’t matter if you are rich or poor, young or old, blaming is there always, as an option for you to escape the torture and public humiliation of failing.

For him it all started with a voice from inside like it happens during many other major decisions in life telling him over and over, day and night, painfully piercing into your heart and mind
“You just need to say Quit and this will all end, you don’t have to go through this if you don’t want to”

Initially he refused to listen but it will still go on

“It’s just a game, you will loose a lot playing it, don’t try doing it, you can’t win this, you have no choice, quit before you loose, the odd s are all against you”

He struggled from inside to hold off from hearing the voice and realized that he needed to be stronger if he were to do away with it

He stops what he was doing and heads for the Gym. Without the usual warm up he starts pounding the Iron venting out his frustration on all pieces of metal, ropes and pulleys of various sizes and shapes

While his mind had started contemplating an escape route, he sweats like hell and keeps mumbling “that Sons and daughters of ….s, they ought to have performed better”

The act of “blaming your way out” had begun

He starts getting overly frustrated thinking about the people who hold back his success.

He has the revelation that all his colleagues, friends and partners have turned out to be at fault except him. He realizes the truth that he has been cheated, ridiculed, pulled from behind, and stabbed in the back. He starts searching through the corridors of his mind, chasing each and everyone close to him, to find the person on whom he can blame it all

And then after a few moments of silence between the thuds of irons and pulleys he screams out “Eureka!!!”

His analytical and logical brain has finished compiling with vigor and absolute accuracy spitting out the name of his only trusted comrade, the man who has been with him all through the rough waters all these years

Who else will be better than his trusted lieutenant to take up the task of being pronounced the corporate glitch. He has taken equal responsibilities on all decision making of the company and has been as much in public interest as him

Though he had himself spurted the name, he needed more reasoning to make him self believe the same

The act of “changing beliefs your way” needed to be started

He gives way to his intellect which started coming up with the necessary reasoning

“If someone has to pay, this is the person, the culprit on whom you should blame all the possible reasons for your misfortunes, he should have known that things were going bad, he should have warned you, he should have stepped up to the occasion. If he wanted he could have saved you from the torture as well as the personal agony of the thought of quitting”

“If it were not for this miscreant you would have stood to gain all that you ever wanted, money, fame, respect of your people and all that which now seems like a never ending saga or misfortunes”

But then above everything there is this benevolent heart of his that many a times dismisses what the head has derived upon. He started thinking

“This has been your closest associate, one who has been with you for the past twenty years like a shadow but more clear and distinct even during the darkest hours. Your actions can’t probably be right; there might be a way out other than sacrificing this long term companionship, the faith and the trust.

The intellect interrupts
“You don’t have the time, blame, blame, reason the blame, fast, escape, save your Ass”

The intellect continues on and on, coming every time with new and stronger reasons convincing him that his companion was indeed a traitor, a black mole, the reason for the misfortunes of so many families who depended on your company doing well the past year.

“It is pay time, you could not do anything to stop it, it did not rise in your mind, the people have voted the man out, you will miss your long term associate, but life has to move on”

Now he needed to arrange for an investigation, call an all hands, send a circular, he needs someone to run this for him, whom should he call.

He fiddles with his phone and looks in the mirror that was showing off his bulged out triceps, chest and biceps and for the first time he looks straight into his own eyes. He could see for the first time the coward he had made of himself. The last one hour had created a much weaker mind in a much stronger body

He slowly walked out of the Gym dialed his buddy and said
“Jim, I am taking full responsibilities and I want you to fix a meeting with the counsel to chalk out the necessary actions and call in an all hands tomorrow”

Jim was silent a moment and then said
“You don’t need to do this, I had seen this coming and I had some back up plan in place, I will meet you at your place in half hour, I assure you we will swim safely through this rough tide too, you keep cool and leave the rest to me my friend”

Jim then hung the phone leaving him dumbfounded and puzzled but quite relieved

He was slowly figuring out that going by what ones heart says can make such impact on ones life.

Drenched and Untouched

He suddenly stopped and looked up; the clouds are all rounding up. It never looked it would rain and so as usual his new umbrella should be lying in his room wrapped in cozily in the same pouch it came from the shop. Last year rains were not that heavy but he drenched through out the whole season, postponing the idea of buying one. And this year he was fast to act and bought one, ‘dolly’ that’s what they told this new brand of umbrellas were called.

He was a bit skeptical at first when the shopkeeper said that to him
“Is this one of those ladies umbrella, you know I don’t want to look dumb walking around with this”
“No Saab, it is not, everyone asks hearing the brand name. I assure you even the district collector Mr. Raj had bought one last week”

He thought “What if Raj had bought it for his wife or for his daughter. “

He dismissed the thought saying
“I wish the rains are not much this year and I would have to use less of her; also I should say she is a real beauty for this bargain price”
He had already started admiring it as he would a lady and started addressing it as her and she”

She came well dressed in a black gown with her name written on in golden letters. When unwrapped and released from her chains she had a majestic look that made every person under her look royal. As days went by he started admiring and getting attached to Dolly more like a partner, something that he has never experienced before.

He would sit with dolly on his door steps before he got out to go anywhere and carefully watch the motion of clouds and make a calculation as to whether he would take dolly to accompany him that day and he always went back home and wrapped her back and kept her in the same shopping bag she came with. While he always loved the thought of walking beneath dolly unscathed by the downpour, another part of him did not want Dolly to be exposed to anything even if it meant depriving her of the very reason for her existence. She had one of the most beautiful piece of fabric he had ever seen that elegantly stretched itself between the gleaming metallic spokes. Her handle was carved in wood with her name beautifully printed on it. She was a beautiful piece of art he proudly owned

And today there he stands without a tree or a shelter anywhere in the vicinity and the clouds thickening above him, all ready to pounce on him like a wild animal getting ready for its prey. If only he had dolly with him, if he had not for once sat outside and waited. If he had only just had dolly accompany him without a second thought.

May be he miscalculated or something went unnoticed when he sat with Dolly on the doorsteps today or did he calculate right but chose to get drenched as usual instead of exposing his beloved dolly to the piercing raindrops

The choice has always been his and so have been the consequences. May be he will find happiness in getting back home drenched to an untouched dolly than experiencing the warmth she could offer him.

Mr. Albert

It was on a Saturday evening that I saw Mr. Albert for the first time, talking to dad near the porch at our ancestral home in India. Holding a lantern on one hand and a walking stick on the other, a long over coat and with one shoe shining more than the other, he looked like a character from one of the old English novels I had read.

As I came in Dad introduced me to him “This is Mr. Albert, he is a very close friend of mine, it has been a long time since we met”

“Hello Mr. Albert, it is a pleasure meeting you” I said with a smile

“The pleasure is all mine, to see my friend’s son come in front of me as a fine young man” He put his hand in his coat pocket and took a chocolate and handed it out to me.

Both me and my Dad were amused, I was turning twenty and I was done with my craving for chocolates since age 10.

Seeing the smile in our faces Mr. Albert grinned and said “You are still young to eat chocolates from an old man like me”

I took the chocolate from him and started observing him more closely while he and dad resumed their talk that was interrupted by my entrance

He looked much older than dad though they went to school together; he was much frail looking and with the over coat, lantern and stick he looked like an old light house watchman. I started searching my memories to see if he Dad had ever mentioned about him, anything that might help me relate to him in anyway.

The only incident where a mention about his childhood was made was when he got a letter from his uncle back home. This was about three years ago and that day at the dinner table he looked at me and said -

“Son, your future and dreams are all yours and you should pursue your dreams your way. I don’t believe that any son’s life should be used up in fulfilling the unrealized dreams of a father. Seeing you live your dreams I would have lived mine. In any relation between a father and son, the father also sees himself in his son and so when you ever feel that I am stepping on your toes in your pursuit for happiness you need to tell me, and I will move out. Just remember to make me a part of your life always”

He did not complete his dinner but got up gave me a hug and retired to his room. We never spoke about this incident after that, but his words did have a long lasting influence on me and my own dreams started becoming more and more clearer to me after that day.

But once my mom did tell me that the letter had to do something with a childhood friend of his who had lost his son to his fixed and stubborn ideas of parenthood.

I was woken up from my thoughts when I felt Mr. Albert’s hand on my shoulder and he was taking leave and telling my Dad

“My friend you are a very lucky man. A son is a treasure”

He then looked at me and continued

While some of us are left with nothing but a stick in this old age you have such a fine shoulder to hold on to”

I am not sure why I did it, but I stepped forward and hugged Mr. Albert and told him

“Sir I did not hear your conversation but I assure you that this hug and many more like this will keep you warm in the cold streets of life; Please have dinner with us”

Mr. Albert and Dad smiled again

“You are a very lucky man my friend”

“So are you Albert, as I use to tell you, you will always treasure my friendship”

Dad said and we all laughed and went inside the house.

The house was well lit and we all were holding hands together and Mr. Albert had forgotten his lantern and his walking stick outside in the cold

Signed with Love

It has become a practice to often check my mail to see if you have written me something and I know how happy and complete I feel when I read your words. I know you also would have similar feelings and I have many times disappointed you by my two line mails. But I would like to tell you that in those two line this fan of yours had always wished to express his boundless love and appreciation for you being a part of his life and always fallen short of words.

Many a times in life when the future seemed so lonely and bleek, your words, the little gestures you make have had the biggest and most lovely impacts in my life. They mean to me what my words can never express even if I write a book on what I feel. You make me so complete every single moment in my life.

With you I want to see the future.
With you I want to sing and dance to the tunes of life
With you I want to live fully and grow old
With you I want to learn to love again

Because,
Without you this world is stale as ever
Without you I am all alone in this life
Without you I have nothing else but turn old
Without you my life loses all its significance

If ever my words or even my cords of silence has hurt you,
I want you to know that the only thing that can hurt me is you getting hurt.

Living with you is like heaven granted a hundred times.
And all those times I choose this life on earth with you.

My passion for you have outgrown my compassion for this world
So my beloved be good to this world for don’t let them see me without you in my life.

Signed Love

It’s always worth the shot !!!

My life had given me many chances to love
But you were the one who showed me how
I stayed long in that crossroad of life
Not knowing what was the meaning of life

What ever it meant had broken before me
My very belief in people and me
But when I met you life changed a lot
You taught me that it is still worth the shot

And now I am here more than ever in life
With your love and the love for life
I vow to be this way all my life
With your love and with you in my life